Is there anybody out there?

Maybe it’s tinder finally getting to me or maybe it’s just time and loneliness that have made me cynical but I’ve gotten to a point where I can’t help but wonder.

Is there anybody out there? Or more specifically, is there anybody out there for me?

It becomes almost impossible not to doubt yourself when you’ve been forever alone for most of your adult life. I’m a confident lass but shit, when you are continually only getting as far as the end of the first date, you can’t stop yourself from thinking you must be doing something wrong.

Now, logical me is standing here tapping me on the shoulder saying to me that realistically there was only one first date that I’ve been on in the last 2 years that I actually would have even wanted to turn into a second date *cough* Dodgy Dad *sigh*. And that my university degree has somewhat ruined my social life this time around, now that I actually have to put in time and effort into my studies (who knew?) But still, irrational me can’t help but to not so subtly point out that the fact that not a single one of the rest of them seemed even remotely interested in trying for date two doesn’t exactly scream positive review vibes if we were looking at my dating life on some kind of ratings scale.

In fact, even as I write this I become more and more convinced that maybe irrational me isn’t so irrational after all. So what is it that I am doing wrong?

In terms of physical appearance I certainly won’t be cast as one of next years Victoria Secrets Angels (or any year thereafter for that matter), but I’m pretty fit and healthy. I’m moderately attractive with a healthy layer of makeup but certainly not a troll without it . I’m not freakishly tall or weirdly short. Not that any of this stuff should matter anyway, but let’s for arguments sake address the somewhat superficial time that we are living in. I’m pretty funny, shy enough that I’m not totally overbearing, but confident that I’m comfortable in most social situations once I warm up.

Do I have really smelly breath? An awful body odour? Is my voice reeeeealllly annoying?

Or am I just way too self involved? Do I just ask too many questions? This piece of writing sure seems to indicate that those may be the case, right?

I think for me I am just more curious if it’s the kind of vibe I’m giving off that has gentleman callers running for the hills. Yes obviously I am hoping to meet someone in the not too distant future; but I don’t ever go into date situations expecting something deep and meaningful to happen right away.

Do you think I could start handing out surveys to potential suitors on my first dates to try and get answers to these questions? Haha that’s a slightly terrifying idea.

Or perhaps, as the old adage goes I “just haven’t met the right person yet”. Here’s hoping he turns up before I turn this survey idea into a reality.

CJ
XX

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