The Tale of Casual Bill


Gather round the campfire friends, because tonight I am going to tell you all a story; the story of Casual Bill.


The story of Casual Bill starts as most of my stories on this blog do; with a dating app. This time however the offender was a dating app called Plenty of Fish (POF) which has a similar set up to Tinder in that you can swipe to match people, but it is also different in a couple important ways. The first being that you can create a decent profile of yourself, your likes, dislikes etc (a positive) but the second being that for some reason you don’t actually have to match with people for them to be able to send you messages (scary AF).


Needless to say, this part of the app made it a lot more difficult to weed out the crazies, I got a lot of unwanted messages, and ultimately deleted the app pretty quickly. Not that I didn’t have some enjoyable conversations with very normal gentlemen in my brief time on it, but when I deleted the app I didn’t really give it a second thought.

Fast forward a few weeks and I received a missed call on my phone from a mobile number I didn’t recognise, but I didn’t really think anything of it because they didn’t leave a message. Two days later I had another missed call from the same number.



So then it text me. I won’t give you the whole play by play because snooooooozefest but turns out it was a fellow named Bill whom I had apparently given my phone number whilst on POF. I was slightly suss at first until he reminded me of our online convos. And then he asked if he could call me. Yep. You heard right. Dude is a caller. Likes to actually talk on the phone. Anywhoooo I oblige because as we know I’m basically President of the Chatty Cathy Committee; and we have an overall pretty fun convo that lasts about 45 minutes.
The story gets marginally interesting in a minute I swear. Maybe. Kinda?


Bill lived about two hours away, but said he would be keen to make a trip to come meet and hang out. He asked a dumb question about whether I was into ‘casual’ hook-ups and hence the Casual Bill moniker was born. I told him whilst I wasn’t completely against the idea of something happening between us, that if he was only coming to visit with that expectation he might as well just stay home because that’s not my thing. He was very apologetic for his misfortunate choice of words and assured me that that was not the case, and that he would come down that weekend.

I then didn’t hear from Bill for the rest of the week, and when the weekend rolled around and I still hadn’t heard from him I pulled the old ‘sorry I’m sick won’t be able to catch up’; which was my poor form yes, but when he replied TWO DAYS later he said he wasn’t able to make it down but from my text that worked out for the best, well I should have just cut ties right then and there.



But you see, I couldn’t remember what Bill looked like from good ol’ POF, so I’ll admit my curiosity had started to get the better of me about putting a face to the name. So when he called me a week or two later being very apologetic and intentions of making another plan I let him. And when I asked him if that meant I wouldn’t hear from him in the interim he sassily asked if that meant I wanted him to call me every day. I assured him that that was not the case, in fact I quite vehemently begged him not to do that but of course that is exactly what he did. Every goddamn day for 5 days he called me in the afternoon for a chat. And the shit of a thing was, we actually got on really well.


Well I’m sure you can guess what happened. The day we were supposed to catch up he bailed out on me with a flaky excuse about confusing the dates of a party he had to go to. I told him that was strike two for Casual Bill and for the next couple of weeks I purposefully missed the 4 or 5 phone calls he tried to make.

I’m not going to go into the details but there was also a third strike a couple weeks later. One of his phone calls caught me at a weak moment and after perhaps one too many glasses of wine and he begged me to give him another chance. We were to catch up the day after Australia Day; he bailed last minute again of course citing a terrible hangover.

I told him that was strike three and that he was out. He sent me a message saying that he knew he was a dog, but that it was not like we were in the same city, that it was two hours away. I never replied.


Okay I’m going to have to say sorry team, I feel like I misled you about this story being interesting. It’s totally not at all. But the reason I wanted to share this story is that this one more than most confuses me. This guy, by just about any standards pursued me. Every call was from him, every plan to catch up; he did it all. He put in all the groundwork, and then bailed EVERY GODDAMN TIME. And it wasn’t like the distance between our locations was something he didn’t know right from the very beginning.


SO WHAT WAS THE POINT? Why even bother? Was Casual Bill just a figment of my imagination? At this point, who would even know.


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