Today I want to talk about something that really grinds my gears.
Frustrates me, makes me mad, makes me sad and makes me feel all the feels in between.
And today sistas, this is not a boy problem or something that guys do to us, its worse. It’s something we do to ourselves.
I’m guilty of it, you’re probably guilty of it, and even if you yourself haven’t done it (props to you), $100 bucks says you could probably name a friend or two you know who has.
What is this horrendous gaffe I hear you ask?
PUTTING OURSELVES DOWN.
And LADIES, it is time we put an end to this, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW.
We’ve all been there. You go on a few dates, or maybe you’ve been dating a few months, maybe you’ve been in a relationship for a while and for whatever reason things don’t end up working out. It ends. Sometimes it ends amicably and tidy, sometimes unpleasantly and a mess. It’s okay to be sad, and mourn that lost relationship, or person; that’s natural, and grieving is a functional part of the process.
But here is what is not okay.
- Telling yourself that because it ended that that must mean that you are unworthy of love
- Telling yourself that it ended because you weren’t good enough
- Telling yourself that because that one person in the universe didn’t want to be with you that that means you are in any way less of a person
We as the female population in general (big sweeping generalisation I know but lets just go with it), have a tendency to self-blame, self-depreciate and self-criticise. We hang our self worth, and our value on that other person, and how that other person views us. Actually, NOT EVEN on how that other person views us, but how WE THINK that person views us.
Enough is enough.
You are strong.
And you are beautiful.
You are so magnificent, funny, warm, intelligent, kind, giving, hilarious and any number of other redeemable qualities, and one mans inability to see all that does not void all of those amazing things that you have to offer.
If he treated you poorly, it is because he is lacking something, not you. He treated you poorly due to HIS inadequacy, NOT YOURS. He couldn’t commit to you because of HIS inabilities, NOT YOURS.
It breaks my heart to see beautiful, strong, confident women friends of mine convincing themselves that they are worthless or inadequate or lacking in some way because some douche bag couldn’t appreciate how wonderful she was (or in some cases he could appreciate it, but had so many issues of his own he couldn’t be a functional human being).
If we keep hanging our worthiness on anything other than our own inner happiness, and confidence in ourselves, we are dooming ourselves to live a life of chasing something that is never truly going to fill the void.
I know it is a cliché, but it is a cliché for a reason: To love others you must first love yourself.
Having someone love you is a wonderful thing, truly it is. The most special feeling you can have. But if having someone love you is the only way that you can feel any worthiness, then you are never going to truly fill that hole.
You are ENOUGH. You are SO ENOUGH. It is UNBELIEVABLE how ENOUGH you are.
If someone doesn’t see the light in you, they’re the ones who are going to miss out; not you. And it’s time we sistas start reminding ourselves of that.