Real Talk: Sometimes I worry that I’ll be alone forever

I was sitting down the other weekend having a chat to a beautiful friend of mine about the joys of being single.

Most of the time it is a lot of fun; no answering to anyone, I can move half way across the country on a whim (hell, I could move half way across the world!), and having toast for dinner can be perfectly acceptable when you don’t have to factor in anyone else.

I’m comfortable in my own company don’t get me wrong, and yeah I can lead a fulfilling life without having another person. But here’s the thing…

 

I don’t want to.

 

I’m a people person. As much as I love and enjoy and sometimes even need my own space and time to myself, I thrive off human interaction. Physical interaction and affection is how I get through shit. You can tell me I’m going to be okay 100 times and I’ll hear you, but sometimes this bitch just needs a hug.

 

And I’m a lover.

I love love.

I’m a cliché, hopeless romantic, sickening-as-they-come starry-eyed idealist and I wanna meet a man and fall crazy in love and spend the rest of my life making beautiful babies and loving each other sick.

 

But I’m also a 26 year old who hasn’t had any kind of real relationship since she was 19.

And sometimes I’m terrified that it will never happen for me again.

 

And I realise how overly dramatic that may sound to some people but it’s the truth.

Seven years of being single and I’ve barely made it past a first date. I have beautiful friends who’ve managed to have two or three relationships in that time and I can’t seem to even get out the gate.

 

Now, if we are being really critical, you could probably cross out the first 3-4 years of that 7 as being still entangled in a confusing ex situation. I was still too emotionally invested in whatever THAT was to really properly move on and be truly open to anything else. BUT EVEN SO, that’s a solid 3-4 years of honest-to-goodness singledom.

 

WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING SO WRONG?

 

I know I’m “only” 26 but 7 years is a long time to go without having anybody to make you feel special or wanted, you know?

What if I never get my epic love story? Fuck, what if I never get another love story at all?

I have a lot of love and I wanna share that and I’m trying to remain hopeful and positive that there is a reason that things have happened the way that they have but sometimes it’s bloody hard work.

 

And I’m not the only one. I have other single girlfriends who feel similar. We’re reaching an age where people’s lives are starting to change shape and move into the next stage and it’s really hard sometimes feeling like you aren’t in that or that you’re kinda stagnant in that respect.

The parade of bad dates and well meaning family questions start to take their toll.

 

Some days it’s a friggin’ battle to remain optimistic.

Some days optimistic can go suck it.

 

To those of you out there who are feeling a similar sense of pessimism right now, I’m not going to tell you “He’s out there” or “It’ll happen when you least expect it” but what I will say is this…

I’m right there with ya, sista, and at the very least, for now we’ve got each other.

 

CJ
XX

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2 thoughts on “Real Talk: Sometimes I worry that I’ll be alone forever

  1. Hey Courtney,
    I just wanted to say that you are spot on! Your post resonated soo much with me. As much as you can enjoy your own company and be happy single its bloody crap watching everyone settle down around you and wondering why not you?!
    I was single for 7 years also and wandered from one side of this country to the other keeping my eyes peeled. All of my friends seemed to be getting married and having babies. I came back to where i started and found my missing puzzle piece. He is a bloody gem and i am so lucky.
    But while your living it, it is shit and people saying ‘your time will come’ and ‘stop looking and you will find him’ need to shut their mouths. I dont care how well meaning it is. My favourite was – ‘i cant understand why you are still single?’ I used to think well clearly there must be something wrong with me!!
    Anyway i just wanted to let you know that i know how you feel and i know it wont make any difference right now!!
    I wish you good luck, but he will be worth the wait 😉- nothing surer!
    Loz

    Like

    1. Loz,

      I just wanted to say thanks so much for your lovely comment. It’s always reassuring (and nice!) to hear other peoples experiences and that I’m not the only one who is feeling/has felt certain things!!
      Courtney xxx

      Like

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